Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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