just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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