You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wish you could order shots online.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
