nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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