Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
