I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
