Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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