hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
