GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
