just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
