I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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