he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I have post one night stand depression
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
