What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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