She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
