New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
