Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
