I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
