I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
