i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
