You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
