Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
