and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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