Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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