if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
