There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
