Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
