I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
