So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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