I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
