Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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