It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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