i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
