so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
