Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
