Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
