Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
