Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
