I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
