I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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