it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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