That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
