Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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