Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
