then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
