i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
