Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
