You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
