Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
