I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
