Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
