1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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