i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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