Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
