Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
